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The Haredi Trailblazer Who Absolutely Gets It

January 30, 2019 by Yocheved Feinerman Leave a Comment

Standing directly, in front of the aron kodesh, dressed in the traditional Haredi uniform, Rabbi Yakov Horowitz, unflinchingly shared certain realities with the packed crowd that had gathered last Wednesday night at  Kehillat Shaarei Yonah Menachem, in Modi’in, Israel.

Rabbi Horowitz’s lecture titled, “Developing a relationship with your kids, so they will talk, even about the most uncomfortable things” was full of uncomfortable topics.

Topics seemingly unfit for the holiness of our sanctuary. Unfit to be speaking about in front of the aron kodesh: Drugs. Alcohol.Sexual Abuse. Learning Disabilities. LGBTQ.

For the last twenty-five years, Rabbi Yakov Horowitz, founder, and dean of Yeshiva Darchei Noam in Monsey and the founder and director of Project has been on a mission: reach out to marginalized Jewish youth and assist parents in nurturing their children’s potential.

Rabbi Yakov Horowitz “gets it” and believes that these “uncomfortable topics” must be discussed, on a  walk, at a Shabbat meal, in the classroom, and, yes, in front of the aron kodesh.

YES – Education. Prevention. Prosecution

Rabbi Horowitz’s work as a rebbe with troubled teens opened his eyes to the harsh reality. He felt compelled to take action and serve as an advocate for children a  “voice for the voiceless.” In 1996, he penned the article “An Ounce of Prevention,” published by the Jewish Observer, which both shocked and energized the Haredi world.

Publication of his article led to the formation of Project Y.E.S. Affiliated with Agudath Yisrael of America, Y.E.S. offers mentorship programs for teens, a wide range of parenting workshops, and child safety/ abuse prevention classes for parents.

In 2011, “Let’s Stay Safe,” written by Bracha Goetz and illustrated by Toca Leff, hit the Haredi bookstores. Using rhymes and colorful pictures, young (and old) readers learn to spot behavioral signs of possibly abusive strangers, not allowing unwanted touching, and reporting unwanted advances to parents.

To date, more than 25,000 copies have been sold in English. Let’s Stay Safe has been adapted into Yiddish, Zei Gezunt! A Hebrew version for the Haredi community, Mah She’batuach – Batuach!  as well as one for the Dati Leumi community, “Le’vetach.”  

Breaking with the norms of Haredi society, Rabbi Yakov Horowitz felt strongly that to actually help families, the illustrations, must feature, images of women and girls.  

Mah she’batuach – batuach!

Immediately, after landing in Israel, last Wednesday night, Rabbi Horowitz, raced to Bnei Brak, delivering 500 sponsored copies of the Haredi edition of “Let’s Stay Safe” – Mah She’batuach – Batuach! to Leah Kolodotsky, the daughter of Rabbi Yosef Chaim Kanievsky, considered to be a leading authority in Haredi Jewish society.

Enamored by the book, she wrote a haskama (a letter of recommendation) for the Hebrew edition, and will now begin distributing the 500 copies to the multitudes of people who visit her home.

Breaking with the norms of Haredi society, at the behest of Rabbi Horowitz, Leah Kolodotsky agreed to be interviewed on Ynet.

Public Humiliation of Abusers

Breaking with the norms of Haredi society

Rabbi Horowitz actively encourages sexual abuse victims to go to the police. Often, he shows solidarity, by sitting in court alongside victims and their families.

Rabbi Horowitz embraces social media. He often posts or tweets on social media warning residents when a pedophile moves into their communities. Recently, he was sued, by the convicted sex offender, Yona Weinberg, for “slanderous tweets.”

Breaking the Silence

Rabbi Horowitz will not be winning any popularity contests. That being said, Rabbi Horowitz refuses to stay quiet and continues tackling pressing issues plaguing the Haredi community.

Here are just some of the issues that Rabbi Horowitz champions.

Life Is Longer Than School

Recognizing the struggles many of his talmidim (students) have had with the pressures of Talmud study, Rabbi Horowitz developed and published the first two volumes of The Bright Beginnings Chumash Workbooks. Today, the innovative Bright Beginnings Haschalas Gemara Workbook for Meseches Brachos for beginning learners is an integral part of the curriculum in over 40 schools.  

On a Different Derech

Breaking with the norms of Haredi society, Rabbi Horowitz openly advocates and supports the reunification of families with their non-observant children.

Drinking on Purim

Breaking with the norms of Haredi society, Rabbi Horowitz maintains that from the standpoint of both Jewish law and customs there is absolutely no basis for drinking and or smoking of any kind on Purim.

Women and Judaism

Breaking with the norms of Haredi society, Rabbi Horowitz is horrified by the obsession of women and sexuality. He maintains that over time it will be evident that men intently focused on women, their role in society, and their modesty are often abusers, pedophiles, and sexual predators.

Also, he maintains that women’s faces should not be airbrushed out of Haredi publications. When approached to be a guest of honor at a Haredi dinner, he accepted with the condition that the invitation and all ads include the first names and any illustrative image must include pictures of both him and his wife.

Coming Out

Breaking with the norms of Haredi society, Rabbi Horowitz provides a “voice for the voiceless,” in his empathetic response to a question, posed at a panel about LGBT men and women in the Orthodox community.

Rabbi Horowitz – You Truly Get It

On behalf of Klal Yisrael, thank you, Rabbi Yakov Horowitz, for “getting it”!

We are grateful that you understand that things are not always an easy-going, smooth “Baruch Hashem.” Our children’s lives are often frustrating, complicated and confusing.

As parents, we continue to learn from you, to face certain harsh realities, continue conversing with our children, and as a community embracing as opposed to judging. Save our condemning for the condemned.

You have energized us to “get it” and when necessary break with the norms of our society.

Let’s continue talking.

In our homes, schools, and yes- even in front of the aron kodesh!

May Hashem, bless you, Rabbi Horowitz, with many many pairs of sneakers. Sneakers, to help you walk for miles, emphasizing, listening and advocating for the neshamot of our holy children, the future of our community.

What Can You Do

Make sure your home has a copy of “Let’s Stay Safe.” Purchase a copy for your nieces and nephews, your children’s gan, and sponsor copies to be read in other children’s homes.

Rabbi Yakov Horowitz will be speaking a few more times before he returns to the States. I urge you to attend one of his shiurim. Your children will thank you.

Subscribe to his blog and be inspired by his strength.

Thank you to KSYM Adult Education Committee, Stuart Schnee, and Rabbi Yakov Horowitz for such an energizing event.

LIVE:

BIO

Find more high energy awesome activities, meaningful tourist sites, inspiring shiurim, great food, tempting coffee, fabulous shopping, coupon codes, discounts, and, of course, deals on my blog: www.hienergymom.com.

Are you a High Energy Expert? Have a scoop? Please share! Hit me up, on Facebook or Instagram, or shoot me an email highenergymom@gmail.com.

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Filed Under: Blog, Facebook Live Tagged With: parenting, sexual abuse

High Energy Purim in Modi’in

March 6, 2018 by Yocheved Feinerman 2 Comments

How was your Purim?

Here in Modi’in, we celebrated Purim for an entire month!

Snapshot of our FUN: High Energy Purim

Women’s Megillah Reading

Filed Under: Blog, Modi'in, Purim, Travel Tagged With: israel, Modiin, parenting, purim

Have You Snapped with Your Kids Lately?

October 19, 2017 by Yocheved Feinerman Leave a Comment

Mom, Can I get Snapchat?

NO! What I wish I could say.

I hate Snapchat!

Want a lollipop? Can I buy you a doll, instead!

Simpler times 🙂

Realistically, I won’t be able to keep my kids off Snapchat forever.

So, I took the plunge.  Before, I let them snap I started to snap with my mom friends.

Now is the time, stop saying you hate Snapchat.  

Instead, learn how to snap!  This is how we can protect our kids.

Snapchat 101 for Parents

What is it?

Snapchat is an application for mobile devices.

Subscribers can send photos to other subscribers.  

Unlike, other messaging apps, Snapchat allows users to set a 1 second to 10-second expiration of the photo.

Snapchat users can express themselves with embarrassing and silly pictures.  

Without the fear of permanence.

How did it start?

Is there a better way to convey emotions in a text message?

This was the question of Stanford University students, Evan Spiegel and Bobby Murphy.

They developed the concept of time-limited photo sharing.  

How to Use It

Download the app.

Register as a new user and set a password.

Add your contacts.

Start Snapping.

Take a photo, edit it, add a caption or other “doodles.”

Select the friends to send the photo to and set a timer from 1 to 10 seconds.

Once the photo message is sent, the receiver has the time set by the timer after they access the app to look at the photo before the message “self-destructs.”

Friends can then take their own photo to reply or just send a message back.

Sounds Fun

Yes, Snapchat can be a fun and engaging app.

When it is used appropriately.

Snapchat has earned a reputation for being an app that encourages cyberbullying, cyberstalking, sexting and child pornography.

We, parents, must be vigilant and monitor our children’s activities on Snapchat.  

How to Make Sure Your Teen is Safe on Snapchat

Parents need to have a real, live, one-on-one chat with their children about the risks associated with the false sense of security that Snapchat may provide.

The Conversation

Talk with your teen.

Help your kids develop the critical thinking skills needed to stay safe in the digital world.

When parents, expressing genuine interest, teens are more likely to keep parents in the loop about all the cool technology they are using.

And. They’re more likely to come to you when they need help.

Setting Up Your Teen’s Account

  • Settings:  Carefully read Snapchat’s privacy settings.  Minors should use the default “My Friends” setting. This allows users to only send and receive media from users they have added to their friends list.
    • Personal information: Teens need to be careful about sharing personally identifiable information. Never share your phone number, home address, financial and medical information.
    • Protect passwords: Make sure your kids have a strong and unique password. That should not be shared with anyone.
  • Device-level controls: Avail yourself of the Android and iOS operating systems parental controls.  Use these to actively manage your child’s phone usage.

Digital Permanence

Teens love sharing funny things with their friends, on Snapchat, assuming it will disappear in less than ten seconds.

FALSE!

A snap disappearing is not an absolute certainty.

Our teens must understand that yes, your photo will erase after ten seconds.  That does not mean your photo is actually erased forever. Easily,  a screenshot can be quickly taken, or even a photo of the screen.

If a snap is illegal, it could get them in trouble now or in the future.

Would you want Grandma to see this picture on the news? A potential employer?

There is only one way an improper video or photo never gets distributed at-large.  

Do not put it out there in the first place.

Cyber- Bullying

Bullying is not tolerated by Snapchat.

Talk to your kids about cyberbullying.

Remind them to talk to you or any other trusted adult if they are ever on the receiving end of bullying or unwanted content.

Nudity

Nude pictures violate Snapchat’s community standards.

Teens need to know that exchanging nude or sexually explicit images of anyone under 18, including themselves, can be a serious crime.

If Your Teen is Being Harassed

If your child receives abusive Snaps from another user, they need to discuss this with you or another adult.

This user should be blocked.

Report them to Snapchat’s Safety team.

You can find “Report a Safety Concern” tab in the menu.

In the event, you encounter anything that appears to be illegal or dangerous, or if you have reason to believe someone is at risk of harm or self-harm, immediately contact local law enforcement.

Delete

Delete your child’s account by going to https://accounts.snapchat.com/accounts/delete_account.  

If you wish to delete the account without your child’s username and password, you can submit a deletion request at snapchat.com/static_files/deletion_request.pdf.

Stop Hating Snapchat

Mom, you know nothing!

You don’t know how to snap!

Surprise Kid! Mom Knows!

Know the rules. Understand the notifications. Make it private. Remove the location.

I’m on Snapchat

Parents, you have to be up to date on the trending social media platforms.

    • Learn how to use them.
    • Check your kids’ profiles.
    • Teach your kids appropriate social media etiquette.
  • Open the lines of communication.

We can’t ignore the Internet.

Mom, Can I get Snapchat?

Yes… but first, let’s talk.

What other social media questions do you have?

Snap me: yfhighenergymom

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Yocheved Feinerman, High Energy Mom, covers everything in Modiin from lifestyle, family, real estate and local news.



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Filed Under: Blog, Parenting Tagged With: parenting, snapchat, snapping, social media, teens

How to Teach Kids to Say Sorry on Yom Kippur

September 26, 2017 by Yocheved Feinerman Leave a Comment

I’m back! I’m off to shul for Yom Kippur davening.

Somehow I managed to find a babysitter, and am able to join my older daughters and participate in the service.

Things have changed.  

I am a parent.

I know my kids will be watching me.

Observing my intensity. Monitoring my commitment.

I’m going to let you into my secret.

I’m nervous about the authenticity of klopping al chet in the presence of my emotionally attuned children.

I aspire to teach my children to take personal responsibility for their actions and to apologize with intent.

This Yom Kippur, I have a strategy for teaching my kids how to klop al chet.

First Teach Yourself

As a parent, I want to influence and inspire my children.

Children can’t be lectured how to sincerely apologize.

Children have to be a witness to my process.

Children need to see and feel, and be taught the right words.

My kids need to witness my struggle.

My kids need to witness my humility.

Why is it so hard to say “I’m sorry”?

By saying “I’m sorry” my imperfections are highlighted.

I feel vulnerable.

I feel ashamed.

I feel a loss of control.

Through watching me, my children will learn.

Intention

How many times (a day!) have I begged my kids to apologize.

“Just say you’re sorry!”

No!

It doesn’t work that way!

What does “I’m Sorry” really mean?

    • My actions caused harm
    • I take full responsibility for my actions and their effects
  • I will make appropriate corrections

An apology is a declaration.  

    • I promise to try my best
  • I will not repeat my mistake

An apology comes from the heart, with words full of intent – kavanah.

Guide

Can children actually have kavanah when apologizing?

Children are born with the capacity for empathy, understanding, and love.  

Sometimes, they struggle with meeting my parental expectations and navigating social norms.

Sometimes, they struggle with recognizing the extent of their mistake and the hurt they caused another.

Sometimes, they struggle with translating these feelings into a genuine willingness to make amends.

I am their guide for mediation.

I am their guide to reconciliation.

I am their guide to the art of compromise.

Empower Them

Apologizing is a choice.

I choose when to apologize.

My children deserve that same option.

I want my kids to apologize with kavanah.

I hope to empower them to decide when an apology is necessary.

Yom Kippur Community

Why do we klop al chet individually and communally on Yom Kippur?

As I look around, I realize that I am not alone.

We are all trying to improve ourselves.

Children, we are on this journey together as individuals and as a community.

Apologizing is hard work.

The Golden Rule  

מה ששנוא עליך אל תעשה לחברך שבת ל”א, ע”א

“What is hateful to you, do not do to your friend”

Would you like if someone threw your toy over the fence?

Would you feel sad if someone didn’t save you a seat on the bus?

Would you like it if your friend gossiped about you on social media?

Treat others in the way you wish to be treated.

Let’s strive for ואהבת לרעך כמוך–

Love Your Neighbor As You Love Yourself.

This is what my children need to see and to hear.

Again and Again.

Growth not Perfection

I wasn’t perfect last year. Probably, I won’t be perfect this year.

Luckily, Judaism saves perfection for angels.

Humans can grow.

Before entering a new year, during Aseret Yemei Teshuva, I go through the process of self-improvement.

The blasts of the shofar on Rosh Hashanah take me back to the past year.

Offering a chance to reflect on my actions.

Was I a good friend?

Could I have been a more patient mother?

Maybe I should have refrained from repeating that story?

The teshuva process is completed as I stand on Yom Kippur and beat my chest in authentic confession.

Now, the new year can start!

Through this humbling process, I gain insight into my behavior, and I can use the past as an opportunity for future growth.

Without any explicit instructions, my children will hopefully be inspired.

Inspired to discover who they are.

Accept that mistakes will be made.

Confident to recognize them as opportunities for growth.

My 5778 Yom Kippur Resolutions

Pay attention to my interactions with my kids.

When I’m wrong, make an effort to apologize with Kavana to my kids.

I’m not going to force my kids to say, “I’m Sorry”.

Let them make the decision when to apologize.

Ask them questions.

Help them analyze their feelings and understand the root of the problem.

Encourage them to put themselves in the other person’s place.

Remind them that an apology is a promise to not repeat the offense.

In the merit of apologies from the heart, may we all be blessed with the capacity to forgive ourselves and one another.

What are your tips for teaching your kids to apologize?

Yocheved Pianko Feinerman is “leaning in” and embracing the harmony and chaos of raising four “spirited” children, juggling an active career as an educator, and writer while planning the next 24-hour getaway with her husband.   

 Facebook https://www.facebook.com/highenergymom, Instagram http://www.instagram.com/highenergymom and Twitter
http://www.twitter.com/highenergymom1.

(Originally posted in the Times of Israel on September 26

http://blogs.timesofisrael.com/5778-the-year-i-will-teach-my-kids-to-klop-al-chet/

Filed Under: Blog, Parenting, Published Articles, Yom Kippur Tagged With: parenting, times of israel, yom kippur

Modiin’s Perfect Pomegranate

September 20, 2017 by Yocheved Feinerman 1 Comment

Shana Tova from Modiin!

What a fabulous time to live in Israel!

You can feel the holiday in the air as the entire country prepares for the holiday.

@ingridmuller

Symbolic Rosh Hashanah Foods

It is customary to eat symbolic foods on Rosh Hashanah. Each food is accompanied with a special prayer.

Aish.com provides an introduction to the holiday along with a list of the symbolic foods.

Are you still looking for the perfect #pomegranate?

I drove all over Modiin checking out the selection and prices of pomegranates at our local stores

@ingridmullerphotography

Shufersal

Mega

Super Tov

Haikarim

Rami Levy

High Energy Favorite

Wishing you and your families a Sweet New Year!

Symbolic Blessing for a Pomegranate

Where did you find the best pomegranates in #Modiin?

Filed Under: Blog, Food, Modi'in, Rosh Hashanah, Video Tagged With: holiday, israel, Live Love Israel, love love israel, Modiin, parenting, pomegranate, rosh hashanah, supermarket

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