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Failed You, Joanna

January 10, 2023 by Yocheved Feinerman Leave a Comment

Adaptation of Kramer vs. Kramer

I failed.
I wanted to rehabilitate you, Joanna Kramer.
Get people to like you.
To understand.
To feel empathy.
I failed.

I had such high hopes.
Create a visual scheme expressing the claustrophobia of being an “object.”
Locked inside a box
Treated like a child.
At the whim of another, your father, your b’aal.
Trying. Searching. Reaching. Pushing.
For a voice.
A unique voice.
An individual voice.
Conflicted. Confused.
When reminded gently and not so gently to stay
To stop.
To tread carefully.

Don’t go into that forest, little red riding hood.
You know what awaits.
The big bad wolf.
He will eat you.
You will be devoured.
Not just you, red.
Do you want to see your children consumed in the fires of your rebellion?

Let your husband say Kaddish for you.
You stay home with your children.
Say brachot with them, l’iyulai nishmat.
That’s what your mother wants.
But. But. But my husband doesn’t like my mother.
Shhh. Joanna
Shhh. Joanna
And yes… Joanna, Hilchot Lashon Hara. That’s a good focus for you. Did you know the Chefetz Chaim was very social, like you? That’s why he chose to work on the discipline of restricting speech.

No.
No.
No.
I won’t transfer my responsibility, my privilege of mourning my mother, to my Baal.
To my brothers.
To my father.
No.
Yitgadal V’yitkadash Sheme Rabbo

Nine months in.
The voice gets more robust with each passing day.
The presence belongs.
The woman stands alone.
Fierce. Committed. Defiant.
Not sorry.
Less sorry with each passing day.

I tried Joanna.
Please know.
I tried.
How I want them to like you. To hear you. To feel you. To experience life through your eyes. Your lens. Your perspective.

Empathy.
My job as a director.
Create a connection between the viewers and the protagonist.

I tried.
You refused to cooperate.
You sit there back straight.
So proud. So erect.
So defiant.

No.
Your body language continues to emit.
No.
Your wild eyes communicate.
No.
Your lips tighten.

Joanna, say you’re sorry.
Joanna, say you feel bad.
Joanna, say you wish you could do better.
Joanna. Please.

In fact. You make things worse. As that could be. I mean, you did walk out on your sixth-month-old baby. A nursing baby. And your husband.
You know how hard it was for your husband. You know he lost his job. You know he depleted his funds, scrambling for childcare.
I want my son back.
That’s all you keep saying.
Why? Why should you get your son back?
Joanna — you are an unfit mother. A cold person. Unfeeling. Uncaring. Unfeminine. Not a woman. Not a good person. Not a person. Who would leave their child?
Say you’re sorry, Joanna.

I want my son back. Are you serious?
Are you aware of your crimes?
You, my dear, will not get your son back.
Ever.

Listen.
You and I didn’t work.

Good try, Joanna.
You just further insulted him.
And in the process, it made us love him even more.
Look at his face. His downcast eyes. He’s going to cry, Joanna. You are making this proud man cry.

It was as much my fault.
Listen.
You reach for his hand.
Why would he touch you? You are toxic. Poison. Contagious.
Listen.
I was in a difficult place when I left.
I ran.
I got help.
I started therapy.
I’m learning things about myself.

Good girl, Joanna.
I see a little remorse.
Just a little.
Not a lot.
Your back is so straight.
Remains so proud. Still so defiant.
You somehow think your emotional outburst will sway him. Sway us. Gain a small point of favor.
You should have tried harder, Joanna.
Why, Joanna, couldn’t you have tried harder.
A little sweeter.
A little more bent.
A little humbler.
Quieter.

He wants to know.
He is asking.
What did you learn?
Yes. What did you learn, Joanna?
Tell us. One thing. One thing you learned.
Here it is, Joanna.
Say you are sorry. Say you did wrong. Accept responsibility for the disaster you made for your baby’s life, your husband’s, and your family. You know how hard it was being on the lips of everyone in your community.
Of waiting in line at the supermarket and having your neighbor ask about your whereabouts?
How is Joanna?
When is Joanna coming home?
What is planned? This disappearance.
Such a little baby.
Poor baby.

Joanna, we want to know.
What did you learn in all your therapy?
Tell us, Joanna.
Tell this nice, sweet, earnest young man.
Did I mention handsome?
What is so bad?
What is so hard?
He is so cute.
You make such a lovely couple.
Joanna, what did you learn?

I want my son.
That’s what you learned.
The big bad wolf didn’t teach you anything.
Well. We will teach you.
Get out.
Leave. No forwarding address.

Get married. Don’t get married.
Have children. Don’t have children.
Do whatever you want.
Just leave my baby and me alone.

Joanna, you can still save this. You still have a chance. Joanna, please.
Joanna, for your baby.
Fix this.
Make this better.
He loves you. You know how to make this better.
Joanna, it’s terrifying after this.
You will never get your son back. They will never let you see him. Hug him. They will punish you. They can. You know they can. Joanna, I’m warning you. He is getting up. This is your last chance. He is running out of patience.

Please, Joanna.
I’m your eyes and ears.
I’m your director.
I’m on your team.
This isn’t working.
You are incredibly unsympathetic.
He is so earnest. So hurt. So wounded.
So great.
You have a great husband.
Stop being so defiant.
So rebellious.
For your son.
Please, Joanna.
Show us a little emotion.
A little humanity.
You did leave.
Joanna, say you’re sorry.

If you can’t act like a rational human being.

No. No. No.
That was the worst possible thing to say.
Oh my god, Joanna, really.

He is gone. He is off. You lost.
You ruined your chance.
I can’t help you, Joanna.
I can’t get the viewers to love you.
I can’t even get them to feel empathy for you.
You are now alone.

Alone.
Eat your cookie.
Does this feel good?
Is this what you want?
To be a bitch.
To be unsympathetic.
No tricks. No manipulations. There is nothing I can do to save you.
You refused to bow.
You refused to humble yourself.
You refused to succumb.
You refused to surrender.

Now you are free.
You belong to no one.
Not to your father. Not to your husband.
You are no longer someone’s daughter or someone’s wife.
And yes, Joanna, you are no longer someone’s mother.

Isn’t that why you came?
Isn’t that why you arranged the meeting?
Isn’t that why you called up your husband after eighteen months?
Well, he is a father.
He is returning to his son.
You, Joanna, you sit there alone.
No one’s daughter. No one’s wife. No one’s mother.

He doesn’t care.
We don’t care.
I’m done caring.
I give up.
You gave me no choice.
You are the same character you were in 1979.
Forty years later, we still hate you.
We still wish you would sit down.
Stop being so emotional.
Be good.
Do the right thing.
Step up to the plate and do what you are supposed to.
Stop making such a fuss.
Enough with your emotional outbursts.
Behave, Joanna.

I couldn’t change the text.
That was the instructions for the exercise.
Except.
Except.
I could have.
In the Hebrew translation, my teacher distributed.
You say sorry.

No.
I can’t accept that change.
That translation.
That breach of who you are, Joanna.
Your agency.
Your bravery.
The rapid beating of your heart.
The fear on your lips. The nervous tapping of your fingers.
Your determination.
Your refusal to accept.
Your desire to grow.
To rise.
To fight.
To have it all. Just not at the same time.
Your courage.
Your faith.
Your release of control.
Your submission to the unknown.

And so I failed.
Or.
We told our story.
We expressed our truth.
Our authenticity.
Our imperfection.
Our awkwardness.
Our choice is to keep on swimming.
Our humanity.

Who knows Joanna.
The big bad wolf may not be so scary.
Such a death sentence.
Maybe he likes strong and broken women.
A real woman.

Who knows?

Filed Under: Blog, Film School, Parenting, Short Film Tagged With: film school

Go With Yo – Sha’haron

July 5, 2019 by Yocheved Feinerman Leave a Comment

This week, my car had a mind of its own. Multiple times this past week, at 4:26 pm (or should I say 4:32) I found myself parked in front of SHA’HARON (Sharon’s Tzahron), only to remember, with dismay that Sha’haron had ended.

Charlie was our second child enrolled in Sharon Krasna outstanding Tzaharon (after-school program), so I knew from the start the quality of the child-centered structured, fun environment, reflective of Sharon’s passion towards children.

This year, Aviva Segal joined and was a fabulous addition, to the program. Together, Sharon and Aviva prioritized understanding the individuality of our son, and each individual child enrolled. Charlie’s strengths, challenges, interests, dreams, and fears were accessed, with patience and encouragement.

I have watched my son, as well as so many of his peers, mature, over the last year, in the safe, fun, and creative atmosphere that is Sha’haron.

Thank you, Sharon and Aviva, for picking up my son everyday from gan with a smile, walking him to your home, feeding him a nutritious lunch, encouraging him to develop social skills, foster and inspire his love for learning, teaching him to play Scrabble, taking him bi-weekly to local parks, arranging interesting field trips, and most importantly, for teaching him so many important lessons.

I hope, hope, hope, for the benefit of Modi’in’s children that you will be returning after your “shabbaton”. The children of Modi’in NEED you!

This week, I’ll try and remember and stop blocking your driveway ????

Filed Under: Blog, Modi'in, Parenting

JudyArt – Forever In Our Hearts and In Our Homes

April 2, 2019 by Yocheved Feinerman Leave a Comment

Register Early for JudyArt!

One of the best pieces of advice that I received when my kids were younger was to register, early, for Judy Halperin’s (z”l) art chug. “Register now,” friends advised, “it is tough to get a spot in her chug.”

And so, I registered Ellie – beginning our multi-year relationship with JudyArt.

JudyArt Minion

Quality Time with JudyArt

One of the advantages too always being late, parking in the wrong spot and needing to be reminded to bring post-dated checks was that I had the good fortune of spending quality time with JudyArt Halperin.

Judy Halperin and Aderet, June 2017

Often, while I was illegally parked on the sidewalk, Judy would approach the window of my car, beg me to find a better parking spot, give me an update on my children’s progress and tell me how hard she is looking to find a place for one of my children in the following year’s chug.

Week after week, my daughters, like so many of their peers, made extraordinary efforts to be on time and “finish their projects.” JudyART “projects” are one of a kind pieces of art, expressing the individual creativity of each artist. Judy mentored students and guided them through the process of finding their own unique artistic abilities and passions. While, most childhood art projects that tend to focus on uniformity, culminating in identical finished works, a JudyArt creation reflects the inner personality of the artist with finished products bearing the individual stamp of each budding artist.

During one of our “sessions”- (this time, I think around January, when she finally sat me down at her dining room table to finish writing checks), I asked Judy about the secret to her success. Judy, explained to me, that she genuinely loved the children in her classes, and was passionate about individualizing the process. She made extraordinary efforts to keep her classes small, providing personal attention, to each and every student.

JudyArt Exhibition, June 2018

Create Your Own Mold

In a world, where so many “grown-ups,” teachers and well-meaning adults try to force children to fit into the mold, using patience, a sense of humor and gifted artistic skill Judy encouraged our children to construct their own distinctive molds.

Reena (our third grader) patiently waited her turn for a spot in JudyArt. Eager, to add her own sculptors to our ever growing collection, she was thrilled, to have received a place in this year’s JudyArt Wednesday chug. Each week, I dropped her off and was grateful, that Reena like Ellie and Aderet had the outstanding privilege of gaining from Judy. I looked forward to driving back and forth to Rechov Yosef when Charlie was old enough to join.

NO – It’s Not Fair

A few weeks ago, I found myself, once again, illegally, parked outside of JudyArt, waiting for Reena’s chug to end. Instead of chatting with me from the window (i.e., begging me to please not park in her neighbor’s spot), Judy sat next to me in the front seat of my car. Conscious of the fact, that I undoubtedly say the wrong thing, I tried hard to remain quiet and internalize her news. Tears began streaming down my face, and my heart starting racing. Driving away, I prayed for her recovery. I reflected on Judy’s HIGH ENERGY, modesty, mentorship, and radiance. Grateful for the blessing of a relationship with Judy and the strong effect, she had on our family these last few years.

Aderet with her JudyArt Cow, June 2018

Disappointed that she would not be able to finish the year at JudyArt, Reena voiced my thoughts. “It’s not fair,” I agreed. It’s Not Fair. It’s not fair that the world is losing such a beautiful personality. It’s not fair that Reena, Charlie, and countless other children will not have the opportunity of being shaped and modeled by Judy Halperin.

Baruch Dayan Ha’emet – JudyArt

Baruch Dayan Ha’emet. 
‎בצער רב מאוד אנו מודיעים על פטירתה של חברתנו האהובה, ג׳ודי הלפרין.
‎ההלוויה תתקיים מחר (יום ג׳) בשעה 15:00 בבית העלמין במודיעין.

‎פרטים נוספים יישלחו בהמשך.

‎המקום ינחם אתכם בתוך שאר אבלי ציון וירושלים

Our hearts are broken. 
Our future appears less creative. 
Our inner artistic talents more constrained.

Judy, you will forever be in our hearts, just as your JudyArt projects will forever be in our homes.

Just as you, Judy, elevated the neshamot of our children, may your neshama have an aliyah. I know Gan Eden just got more colorful!

SO thankful, for that great piece of advice to register OUR Family for JudyArt.

Please comment below and share your memories and pictures of Judy Halperin and the great impact she had on your life.

Filed Under: Blog, Parenting Tagged With: JudyArt

Have You Taught Your Infant To Swim Yet?

July 10, 2018 by Yocheved Feinerman Leave a Comment

#Summer is here!

Today, I am chatting with Ninet Chanoch the director of קייטנת פסק-זמן. I asked Ninet to give me some tips on helping my five-year-old stay safe in the #water.

Join the conversation! What questions do you have for Ninet?

https://youtu.be/VYVD3EgFcus

Filed Under: Blog, Facebook Live, Let's Talk Style, Modi'in, Parenting

Have You Snapped with Your Kids Lately?

October 19, 2017 by Yocheved Feinerman Leave a Comment

Mom, Can I get Snapchat?

NO! What I wish I could say.

I hate Snapchat!

Want a lollipop? Can I buy you a doll, instead!

Simpler times 🙂

Realistically, I won’t be able to keep my kids off Snapchat forever.

So, I took the plunge.  Before, I let them snap I started to snap with my mom friends.

Now is the time, stop saying you hate Snapchat.  

Instead, learn how to snap!  This is how we can protect our kids.

Snapchat 101 for Parents

What is it?

Snapchat is an application for mobile devices.

Subscribers can send photos to other subscribers.  

Unlike, other messaging apps, Snapchat allows users to set a 1 second to 10-second expiration of the photo.

Snapchat users can express themselves with embarrassing and silly pictures.  

Without the fear of permanence.

How did it start?

Is there a better way to convey emotions in a text message?

This was the question of Stanford University students, Evan Spiegel and Bobby Murphy.

They developed the concept of time-limited photo sharing.  

How to Use It

Download the app.

Register as a new user and set a password.

Add your contacts.

Start Snapping.

Take a photo, edit it, add a caption or other “doodles.”

Select the friends to send the photo to and set a timer from 1 to 10 seconds.

Once the photo message is sent, the receiver has the time set by the timer after they access the app to look at the photo before the message “self-destructs.”

Friends can then take their own photo to reply or just send a message back.

Sounds Fun

Yes, Snapchat can be a fun and engaging app.

When it is used appropriately.

Snapchat has earned a reputation for being an app that encourages cyberbullying, cyberstalking, sexting and child pornography.

We, parents, must be vigilant and monitor our children’s activities on Snapchat.  

How to Make Sure Your Teen is Safe on Snapchat

Parents need to have a real, live, one-on-one chat with their children about the risks associated with the false sense of security that Snapchat may provide.

The Conversation

Talk with your teen.

Help your kids develop the critical thinking skills needed to stay safe in the digital world.

When parents, expressing genuine interest, teens are more likely to keep parents in the loop about all the cool technology they are using.

And. They’re more likely to come to you when they need help.

Setting Up Your Teen’s Account

  • Settings:  Carefully read Snapchat’s privacy settings.  Minors should use the default “My Friends” setting. This allows users to only send and receive media from users they have added to their friends list.
    • Personal information: Teens need to be careful about sharing personally identifiable information. Never share your phone number, home address, financial and medical information.
    • Protect passwords: Make sure your kids have a strong and unique password. That should not be shared with anyone.
  • Device-level controls: Avail yourself of the Android and iOS operating systems parental controls.  Use these to actively manage your child’s phone usage.

Digital Permanence

Teens love sharing funny things with their friends, on Snapchat, assuming it will disappear in less than ten seconds.

FALSE!

A snap disappearing is not an absolute certainty.

Our teens must understand that yes, your photo will erase after ten seconds.  That does not mean your photo is actually erased forever. Easily,  a screenshot can be quickly taken, or even a photo of the screen.

If a snap is illegal, it could get them in trouble now or in the future.

Would you want Grandma to see this picture on the news? A potential employer?

There is only one way an improper video or photo never gets distributed at-large.  

Do not put it out there in the first place.

Cyber- Bullying

Bullying is not tolerated by Snapchat.

Talk to your kids about cyberbullying.

Remind them to talk to you or any other trusted adult if they are ever on the receiving end of bullying or unwanted content.

Nudity

Nude pictures violate Snapchat’s community standards.

Teens need to know that exchanging nude or sexually explicit images of anyone under 18, including themselves, can be a serious crime.

If Your Teen is Being Harassed

If your child receives abusive Snaps from another user, they need to discuss this with you or another adult.

This user should be blocked.

Report them to Snapchat’s Safety team.

You can find “Report a Safety Concern” tab in the menu.

In the event, you encounter anything that appears to be illegal or dangerous, or if you have reason to believe someone is at risk of harm or self-harm, immediately contact local law enforcement.

Delete

Delete your child’s account by going to https://accounts.snapchat.com/accounts/delete_account.  

If you wish to delete the account without your child’s username and password, you can submit a deletion request at snapchat.com/static_files/deletion_request.pdf.

Stop Hating Snapchat

Mom, you know nothing!

You don’t know how to snap!

Surprise Kid! Mom Knows!

Know the rules. Understand the notifications. Make it private. Remove the location.

I’m on Snapchat

Parents, you have to be up to date on the trending social media platforms.

    • Learn how to use them.
    • Check your kids’ profiles.
    • Teach your kids appropriate social media etiquette.
  • Open the lines of communication.

We can’t ignore the Internet.

Mom, Can I get Snapchat?

Yes… but first, let’s talk.

What other social media questions do you have?

Snap me: yfhighenergymom

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Yocheved Feinerman, High Energy Mom, covers everything in Modiin from lifestyle, family, real estate and local news.



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Filed Under: Blog, Parenting Tagged With: parenting, snapchat, snapping, social media, teens

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